starlite. starbrite.

tonite
my star said hello.
a small glow
a halo
of soft light surrounded
as it danced for me.
played with me..trying to hide
in the night sky
randomly disappearing
but just for a moment..then it reappeared
to remind me that it was still here.

my star came out tonite
i know it had to be mine
looking at the others, none popped out like this one
one of the smallest
with the glow making it’s briteness just a little less
but not in my eyes…my heart felt it. and still does

my star calls out and tells me stories
it listens
and is there for me to cry to
It gives me strength
and makes me smile
my star is amazing. and i love it.

>-   <3    =)

dear bob,

              maybe i do want a little more
i think i’m lying to both
of us..
i want to express this love
physically…   maybe
            like now…    possibly..
perhaps.. but not right now.. at this
exact moment
but soon…. with a little time is best
i think…
altho a lot has already elapsed… such a tricky
situation…  i’m a little confused with timing
                – (always have been)
what do you feel? or how do you feel about everything?

i want it to be an expression though
not something to take *this* away once you get bored.
not just sex
that once you get
you will go away like the rest
in the past…

no matter what happens next
what path is chosen to go down
         i know
             you will break my heart.
                 and that’s okay <3

..do you know…

clear your head for me please…
all your thoughts and anything
else that is currently consuming
your being…

Now – close yours eyes just for a second…
please…just for this moment

                     inhale
                            e   x    h  a  l    e

okay…one more thing…can i ask…
what did you see? or who did you see?
or were there no images…just a feeling?
quite possibly maybe…were any of those a glimpse of me?

because everytime
            i
close my
eyes,             i
only see you . your beautiful face shining
the way your voice makes me smile
deafening – your warm soul entrancing me to stay just a little while
longer
i cannot let go of you…you are my center
always coming back to you…never
want to Leave…i am lost in you
Passion and Love have consumed
and i do not want to let go…cannot surrender, knew
i was going to lose
me
in this journey…
but you are worth every
bit and more of the possibility.

i love you
real and true
and hope you realize that you feel the same way too
                 soon

25 years young <3

another year has passed
while the next has already started…
          -   so what have i learned?
i don’t know if i have…
           And where am i currently?

i am sitting in silence
letting my soul scribe pictures onto paper
words no longer serve me the way
they once did. they currently FAIL!
i am trying to feel and become aware
                             hear(t) <3
make a Life
          not a livinG…
Clear my throat
     my thoughts…..          Now Go
in peace… with it
        because of it            For Always
it is the way i will come in as how i intend to exit
            quietly….    undected

Live in the Love
          consumed by Passion…….Wishing SO HARD….      one day -
                                      in time -   soon…. maybe…possibly??
             Promise… a million times over
with each breath…..          every piece of me    - – -    drop of my soul
                      – until it is gone . . .    .    .     .      . until i am no more
i will continue to feel with         e v  e   r   y                    i  n  c  h 

a million times over
…know a little more each Visit…
until the Time <3

feeling overTake Me

 

i would be SO  great for Him!!!
i have so much Love to give.
only wish he would be open to Receiving it..

conversations come easy between the two of us
my eyes never wander
never will..my heart
will stay focused on him forever and Ever…swear!
there is no need to search for better
if he loves me back

no man exists in my world but my love
he is my center. he is here. There.
in all the spaces in between.
Devotion is my middle name
when he loves me back

he makes me smile and the only mission i have:
create an environment where he feels as happy as i am
when he is near…feel myself falling
but not as scary as first thought
because he might love me back

so i sit.
do not speak.
just wait.
in case he loves me back

it’s not what he can give
that i want but what i will give
            for him to Receive
     i want to be his shoulder to cry/lean
on.                my legs, a place for his head
    to rest
when he does not feel well
     that’s when i make a bath for him
           then bathe together in the warmth
                       our bodies
    fit like puzzle pieces
      when we fall asleep
    our breath,  once separate, now inhale as one
exhaling  together         feel the LOVE
the peace comes easy   -                 s  e    &     fa    
                                                    i                           l       
                              chests    R                                      l
     harmoniously    -      i want to do all
            this for him.   and him alone
no one else do i have this need to be there for in this way because -
how could he not love me back?

so here i wait for him (and him alone)
-  if he does not come
then i will just stay up for a little longer
     just in case he remembers 
                he loves me back <3

INSTRUCTIONS FOR FREEDOM

1. Life’s metaphors are God’s instructions.
2. You have just climbed up and above the roof. There is nothing between you and the Infinite. Now, let go.
3. The day is ending. It’s time for something that was beautiful to turn into something else that is beautiful. Now, let go.
4. Your wish for resolution was a prayer. Your being here is God’s response. Let go, and watch the stars come out – on the outside and on the inside.
5. With all your heart, ask for grace, and let go.
6. With all your heart, forgive him, FORGIVE YOURSELF, and let him go.
7. Let your intention be freedom from useless suffering. Then, let go.
8. Watch the heat of day pass into the cool night. Let go.
9. When the karma of a relationship is done, only love remains. It’s safe. Let go.
10. When the past has passed from you at last, let go. Then climb down and begin the rest of your life. With great joy.

Eat. Pray. Love. Gilbert, E.
pages 184-5

..meaning of..

Given to be Broken
Asking only to be received…

they break because we cannot see the Full potential in ourselves.
to be received is to be realized.  acknowledged. found out.

the meaning of the phrase
(to me)
is that hearts are destined to be broken
(by our own doing)
we search outside for Divinity. in others
while it has always lived within. like God
our hearts wait patiently for us to realize that
and  acknowledge how Special we are.
Hearts contain the universe. the Answers. Heaven. nirvana.
nothing. Everything.
whatever you want to define it as. we see glimpses
occassionally, but are unable to Fully grasp it
until we are no longer here – in this time. until
this existence ceases, we are incapable of seeing continuously
life is too busy and distracts so easily..but
our Hearts will continue to wait. until…then =)

hearts Break because they are disconnected
from the “physical” realm. from the perception
of reality we have created. and until United:
~ MindBodySoul ~
they call out to be heard. to be Received…
(the Loud life produces::makes their cries hard to hear::whispers)
and they will continue to Break until we become Aware <3

did that make sense?
or was i just rambling nonsense??

<3 listen to your heart <3

first quiet the world inside then out. the busy-ness
of life muffles Heaven within.
desires hide
the Truth that is there the whole time.

she whispers softly, so it is hard to hear
her if you do not quiet your emotions. life is so Simple. but We
are human and need
to complicate it.
Create
problems and questions from nothing.
clear. calm
quiet…now
L  i  s  t   e   n
can you hear her
speak? comes in faint. Time will cure that. Broken
because she cannot be Heard
Asking….
but as long as we do, we will be. Receive
this moment. in the nothingness lives Eternity
clear. calm
Now
receive it fully. see? not so Hard =)

she has been received and will
always as long as we do all
the Beauty in front of us that busy life
tries to blind
us from. now i am Aware. clear
my mind. Calm my Heart. now Receive
and be received <3

no matter how different

my heart still chooses you. wants you close.
i am blind to all others. when i love, i am monogamous.
no one else exists
but you. i want to give
only to you – my whole self. every last piece
of me,
i give to you willingly.
even if not reciprocated. i do not care.
i am solely attracted to you and no one can take that away.
only if you express that you no longer want my company, will i refrain
or back down. i will not let go until you
ask me to.

hope you do not grow tired of me
annoyed by my need to be near.
something in your eyes just captivate
when you look, you glance into my soul. and i really, really like it
and i need to be patient
go slow. we have time, right?
or is there a window of opportunity that is slowly
closing
with
ea  ch    b  re   at  h
i stop from confessing
myself ?

..do it tonight…forever

i just need sleep
to bring me peace
i am unable to achieve
in a waking state. i seem
to always live in fantasy and daydream.
i envision
a million times our first kiss
and all that proceed. it
comes second nature
so uncontrollably perfect =)