dear bob,

              maybe i do want a little more
i think i’m lying to both
of us..
i want to express this love
physically…   maybe
            like now…    possibly..
perhaps.. but not right now.. at this
exact moment
but soon…. with a little time is best
i think…
altho a lot has already elapsed… such a tricky
situation…  i’m a little confused with timing
                – (always have been)
what do you feel? or how do you feel about everything?

i want it to be an expression though
not something to take *this* away once you get bored.
not just sex
that once you get
you will go away like the rest
in the past…

no matter what happens next
what path is chosen to go down
         i know
             you will break my heart.
                 and that’s okay <3

..do you know…

clear your head for me please…
all your thoughts and anything
else that is currently consuming
your being…

Now – close yours eyes just for a second…
please…just for this moment

                     inhale
                            e   x    h  a  l    e

okay…one more thing…can i ask…
what did you see? or who did you see?
or were there no images…just a feeling?
quite possibly maybe…were any of those a glimpse of me?

because everytime
            i
close my
eyes,             i
only see you . your beautiful face shining
the way your voice makes me smile
deafening – your warm soul entrancing me to stay just a little while
longer
i cannot let go of you…you are my center
always coming back to you…never
want to Leave…i am lost in you
Passion and Love have consumed
and i do not want to let go…cannot surrender, knew
i was going to lose
me
in this journey…
but you are worth every
bit and more of the possibility.

i love you
real and true
and hope you realize that you feel the same way too
                 soon

feeling overTake Me

 

i would be SO  great for Him!!!
i have so much Love to give.
only wish he would be open to Receiving it..

conversations come easy between the two of us
my eyes never wander
never will..my heart
will stay focused on him forever and Ever…swear!
there is no need to search for better
if he loves me back

no man exists in my world but my love
he is my center. he is here. There.
in all the spaces in between.
Devotion is my middle name
when he loves me back

he makes me smile and the only mission i have:
create an environment where he feels as happy as i am
when he is near…feel myself falling
but not as scary as first thought
because he might love me back

so i sit.
do not speak.
just wait.
in case he loves me back

it’s not what he can give
that i want but what i will give
            for him to Receive
     i want to be his shoulder to cry/lean
on.                my legs, a place for his head
    to rest
when he does not feel well
     that’s when i make a bath for him
           then bathe together in the warmth
                       our bodies
    fit like puzzle pieces
      when we fall asleep
    our breath,  once separate, now inhale as one
exhaling  together         feel the LOVE
the peace comes easy   -                 s  e    &     fa    
                                                    i                           l       
                              chests    R                                      l
     harmoniously    -      i want to do all
            this for him.   and him alone
no one else do i have this need to be there for in this way because -
how could he not love me back?

so here i wait for him (and him alone)
-  if he does not come
then i will just stay up for a little longer
     just in case he remembers 
                he loves me back <3

conversation with myself

learn to let go.
give up control. let them come as they may
and stop placing them where you see fit.

but it’s so much easier when i break my own heart!
stings less
when i say when
it happens. to let go fully means to get my heart broken constantly.
to feel unwanted because of someone else instead of my own doing..
who would want that?

but if you don’t, you become crazy.
lost in the world you’ve created.
no one wants to be forced or told to do something.
he wants to do it by his own free will
so just let him come when he’s ready
stop trying to make it happen.

but waiting takes Eternity!
i want him to realize
NOW that there is no one better
that he and i make sense!
i want him to be blinded by the love
he introduced me to. can’t you see?
there is no made up fantasy land

but you’re coming on too strong.
release!
let go!!
stop dreaming!!!

but what if he never comes?
then what??

you will be fine, promise!
with a cherry on top???
you will Be Just Fine =)

be the one i need…the one i trust most. don’t stop inspiring me…

makes sense…

through all the years taught:

two different worlds.
but there’s something there
raised differently. seeing things in a different light.
but there’s something undeniable
something.. a chemistry so tangible that the differences disappear.

the two are unalike, but there is a chance meeting
a window of opportunity.
and it doesn’t happen right away.
takes a little more time because the dissimilarity
is too strong
but they do not know how powerful the attraction is
the force cannot be stopped easily.
and it’s not.
eventually love
overcomes all
so it makes sense for me
to feel this
so undeniably
unignorable emotion. you give me butterflies
and peace and excitement
and calm and sadness from not being close
and a smile on my face from every memory or speaking your
name and pain for every second
i don’t let you in.

no matter how different

my heart still chooses you. wants you close.
i am blind to all others. when i love, i am monogamous.
no one else exists
but you. i want to give
only to you – my whole self. every last piece
of me,
i give to you willingly.
even if not reciprocated. i do not care.
i am solely attracted to you and no one can take that away.
only if you express that you no longer want my company, will i refrain
or back down. i will not let go until you
ask me to.

hope you do not grow tired of me
annoyed by my need to be near.
something in your eyes just captivate
when you look, you glance into my soul. and i really, really like it
and i need to be patient
go slow. we have time, right?
or is there a window of opportunity that is slowly
closing
with
ea  ch    b  re   at  h
i stop from confessing
myself ?

..do it tonight…forever

i just need sleep
to bring me peace
i am unable to achieve
in a waking state. i seem
to always live in fantasy and daydream.
i envision
a million times our first kiss
and all that proceed. it
comes second nature
so uncontrollably perfect =)

quite possibly…maybe…

i continue to dream you into life.
wrong or right
possible or impossible. i do not care!
given to BREAK
i love the thought of you
your being. your soul. your aura.
you are inviting. and oh so warm =)
i love being near you. you are home. you are comfort
you come so naturally

 

but i cannot yell this
to the universe
or to you because
i am afraid.
{of losing you.of losing the butterflies.of being rejected}
so i create
stories from the inflections
in your tone. from the intent
behind the glances.

when you are far, it goes a little
different -
my soul
is in turmoil
wanting to be close
again, waiting for a response
right away – my soul hurts
until i hear back. but
in your presence i want time to stop. so it can be forever
j u s t        l  i  k  e           t      h     i    s   <2

love is fleeting

almost 2 years
and i can still feel
the feeling of my heart breaking…
crumbling   e v e r y   l i t t l e    p i e c e
…i couldn’t      b r e a t h e
wanting life to cease.
                     <shut my eyes>
praying for death to take me
saving me
from this unimaginable Reality -
so with my history
how can hope exist to Be…

you are such the Perfect star to wish upon

when you smile, your energy lights me up.
senses, once dormant, come alive when you are near.
or the thought of you is close.
your name continues to pop up and surprise
me with a smile
and this overwhelming warm goodness appearing
out of thin air
my mind and heart
are stuck on you
With me AND
how happy we could be.
Perfect!
i breathe you in letting down the walls
opening up for everything
and ANYthing life throws our way.
Never felt this Strong
This quick
before. there is an undeniable pull -
magnetic – i cannot resist it
and wouldn’t want to if i could.
you are my soul mate. <3 i am not right. crazy in Love. and i don’t even know you…

hurts so bad. not knowing when…
the next time
the next encounter
the next word
the next rush of this overWhelming joy.
anticipation hurts but once
a destination is reached..how sweet the feeling.
love. love. love. love.
initial
first
full
currently unrequited
but always hopelessly in…

i hope you feel an ounce of what i do, then we would be Perfect!
i swear
pinky promise
with a Kiss.

make this feeling go away. no! wait!
make it stronger. and last just a little bit longer…
Hopelessly i am in love
with you