dear bob,

              maybe i do want a little more
i think i’m lying to both
of us..
i want to express this love
physically…   maybe
            like now…    possibly..
perhaps.. but not right now.. at this
exact moment
but soon…. with a little time is best
i think…
altho a lot has already elapsed… such a tricky
situation…  i’m a little confused with timing
                – (always have been)
what do you feel? or how do you feel about everything?

i want it to be an expression though
not something to take *this* away once you get bored.
not just sex
that once you get
you will go away like the rest
in the past…

no matter what happens next
what path is chosen to go down
         i know
             you will break my heart.
                 and that’s okay <3

no matter how different

my heart still chooses you. wants you close.
i am blind to all others. when i love, i am monogamous.
no one else exists
but you. i want to give
only to you – my whole self. every last piece
of me,
i give to you willingly.
even if not reciprocated. i do not care.
i am solely attracted to you and no one can take that away.
only if you express that you no longer want my company, will i refrain
or back down. i will not let go until you
ask me to.

hope you do not grow tired of me
annoyed by my need to be near.
something in your eyes just captivate
when you look, you glance into my soul. and i really, really like it
and i need to be patient
go slow. we have time, right?
or is there a window of opportunity that is slowly
closing
with
ea  ch    b  re   at  h
i stop from confessing
myself ?

beautiful girls are invisible

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

feel the shivers
like a million whispers
continuous breath
lingering down your neck..tingles
like baby hairs tickling
when fingertips press light, moving up quick
then abruptly leave, leaving me wanting more

foreign right before it turns familiar
part of me
i am ecstasy!

a sort of double vision, but not as clear
auras jump out and i cannot see
anything BUT the energy
around each thing…so bright i get lost in the glare

i am high right now
on nothing specific…no drug, no drink, nothing
just consumed by this feeling
SO strong but indescribable
wish you could taste it’s sweetness

…only one who knows to slow it down…

they tell me i’m stupid. that i’m fooling myself: just quit it!
nothing can come of this

but my heart does not understand
and my mind cannot comprehend
my soul will not hear any of those arguments
even in the pain, they feel perfection

exercise patience
because when we move too fast
we burn out from this love affair
so much quicker
than taking time to enjoy the silence
taking the moments to feel the comfort – so nice -
              but sometimes anxiety pushes
                                                             a tug of war inside
should i confess or keep quiet?
am i doubting or just nervous?
why is the future such a big deal and how does it scare so effortlessly?
eventually it will never come…

~ i just know that ~
staring at nothing
next to him
feels like Heaven <3
close your eyes – see the sun setting still
like you never left
clear your mind. go to your Happy Place
and notice…all you focus on is  his face
his eyes smiling
his lips warm without even touching
his aura is that of the scenary
an orangish/goldish hue…always inviting you
stop.
sit.
decide to Speak or not
just Silence will do.
only there to Stare
and feel Something
that might have been absent – just for a Second
a moment passes quickly and the Sky has faded
no more glowing Sphere to warm
just Stars to keep company until
the Sun rises in the morning
(as long as we are Still here for the experience)

i miss you.

i want

so badly
this desire eats inside of me…
gives a reason to breathe
i feel
alive
inside
bright and Shiny
it drives my soul currently

and maybe
it’s just a daydream
i believe to be real
but just let me continue
sleepwalking…to me this is the truth

February 20th 2009

no. but nice hair.
wow. i wanted to get one exactly like that. she has lucky charms, she’s showing them to us.
i still think you have nice hair. who made that? wanna know my favorite quote? 
 butt touch twice and i point away, but you seem to be okay with it
stand right next to me. 580…did you take note?

unforgettable night.
i know, i’m being a little obsessive, but it was SO nice and comfortable and i wish i could do it all over. RIGHT NOW and forever. and i’ll continue to replay it to myself until time fades it away slowly…but secretly, i’ll hold pieces of it always

just finding moments of Right Now

 
a rainbow…or the horizon…
there is no end
to it’s life in memory
when lips fit Perfectly.
when fingertips
feel so sensitive,
all you touch: tingles
and that just lingers
in my thoughts. i can always look back
it is never a thing of the past
a moment everlasting when Your
SOUL
entered into mine
and i could only respond with a Smile
and butterflies -
like a feather, i take flight -
thoughts clear out
- K e e p    T a s t i n g  y o u r     M  o  u  t  h
cannot imagine the second i will be WithOut.

hundreds of pages for words

i think we could be great
but i don’t feel you see it.
maybe just
a little crush…
i wish
you could see this
or feel an ounce
of the intensity i feel when you’re around
the connection, undeniable -
SO why can’t you?!?!

i sense you sense it
just a little bit…
right?

he comes to view. or maybe just the opposite -
fading into the scene.
is he looking at me?
might be his back…i might be the observer in this instance.
gold is all over – the sun glows and smiles on us all.
leaves lightening – ready to fall -
and all i can see is this stranger fading away -
or maybe the haze is clearing. either way…
i enjoy this. right now!

miss you

a teeter totter. a tug
of war. pull and push
never level.
why? i miss your face
and the way i cannot
stop myself from smiling -
genuinely. from the inside.
you never answer anymore.
quit trying a month or so ago. until tonight…
i still imagine. live in my memories.
just your energy. no romantic
thoughts or feelings. like a best friend
the brother i never had – you make me
comfortable. foggy memory i wish
to replace with clear, blue
sober skies.
like the only 24 hours with
the 4 of us – High on life
for a drop of a day in our sea of inebriation.

klondike bars – in playground telephones
what would you do? harry
potter in a bucket wizard’s
cap looking up at the top
right
window. do you see?
she is there. dancing
for an invisible
man. do not
stare! espresso shots
hit the spot. and the sky is so pretty.
warm, but still
need to borrow your jacket.
mmm….smells like boy. later found out
to be the Tide and Snuggles <3
friendship in full. in an
overcast of drugs and drinking
life has kept us High
above the clouds
today.

sillyness is Sweet.
innocence. four once.
just sit. stare. and smile

no one can take that away from me and never will.

never enough

the oldest
seems to get the worst
of it all. the tester
and if you mess her
up, it’s fine
you have another to raise right
this time.
a second try to
do what you should
have done at first.  better
late than never!

little girl
might have been elder
but she was in her youth
once and she felt the abuse
the neglect
the always correcting
even when she tried her best.
never good enough, she ran
to others for compliments
mostly those of the male physique
and each critique
she received hurt her deep
inside.
even tho you might not have seen her cry
soft tears rolled down her young face
because she is so weak and not worth anyone’s praise.

she became a mother
to all around her
but has never had anyone take care
of her needs. to listen. and still to this day
all they do is take
they don’t see what she sacrifices…
she doesn’t seek outside
the immediate
but still wants it.
to feel appreciated
for one. split.
second!

i have hope that day will come
when nothing
needs to be coaxed
and a “good job” comes from inside their throats
through their vocal chords
past their lips
and into my ears. a moment
i will cherish
and it WILL come…one day
and until then. i patiently wait…