25 years young <3

another year has passed
while the next has already started…
          -   so what have i learned?
i don’t know if i have…
           And where am i currently?

i am sitting in silence
letting my soul scribe pictures onto paper
words no longer serve me the way
they once did. they currently FAIL!
i am trying to feel and become aware
                             hear(t) <3
make a Life
          not a livinG…
Clear my throat
     my thoughts…..          Now Go
in peace… with it
        because of it            For Always
it is the way i will come in as how i intend to exit
            quietly….    undected

Live in the Love
          consumed by Passion…….Wishing SO HARD….      one day -
                                      in time -   soon…. maybe…possibly??
             Promise… a million times over
with each breath…..          every piece of me    - – -    drop of my soul
                      – until it is gone . . .    .    .     .      . until i am no more
i will continue to feel with         e v  e   r   y                    i  n  c  h 

a million times over
…know a little more each Visit…
until the Time <3

INSTRUCTIONS FOR FREEDOM

1. Life’s metaphors are God’s instructions.
2. You have just climbed up and above the roof. There is nothing between you and the Infinite. Now, let go.
3. The day is ending. It’s time for something that was beautiful to turn into something else that is beautiful. Now, let go.
4. Your wish for resolution was a prayer. Your being here is God’s response. Let go, and watch the stars come out – on the outside and on the inside.
5. With all your heart, ask for grace, and let go.
6. With all your heart, forgive him, FORGIVE YOURSELF, and let him go.
7. Let your intention be freedom from useless suffering. Then, let go.
8. Watch the heat of day pass into the cool night. Let go.
9. When the karma of a relationship is done, only love remains. It’s safe. Let go.
10. When the past has passed from you at last, let go. Then climb down and begin the rest of your life. With great joy.

Eat. Pray. Love. Gilbert, E.
pages 184-5

..meaning of..

Given to be Broken
Asking only to be received…

they break because we cannot see the Full potential in ourselves.
to be received is to be realized.  acknowledged. found out.

the meaning of the phrase
(to me)
is that hearts are destined to be broken
(by our own doing)
we search outside for Divinity. in others
while it has always lived within. like God
our hearts wait patiently for us to realize that
and  acknowledge how Special we are.
Hearts contain the universe. the Answers. Heaven. nirvana.
nothing. Everything.
whatever you want to define it as. we see glimpses
occassionally, but are unable to Fully grasp it
until we are no longer here – in this time. until
this existence ceases, we are incapable of seeing continuously
life is too busy and distracts so easily..but
our Hearts will continue to wait. until…then =)

hearts Break because they are disconnected
from the “physical” realm. from the perception
of reality we have created. and until United:
~ MindBodySoul ~
they call out to be heard. to be Received…
(the Loud life produces::makes their cries hard to hear::whispers)
and they will continue to Break until we become Aware <3

did that make sense?
or was i just rambling nonsense??

<3 listen to your heart <3

first quiet the world inside then out. the busy-ness
of life muffles Heaven within.
desires hide
the Truth that is there the whole time.

she whispers softly, so it is hard to hear
her if you do not quiet your emotions. life is so Simple. but We
are human and need
to complicate it.
Create
problems and questions from nothing.
clear. calm
quiet…now
L  i  s  t   e   n
can you hear her
speak? comes in faint. Time will cure that. Broken
because she cannot be Heard
Asking….
but as long as we do, we will be. Receive
this moment. in the nothingness lives Eternity
clear. calm
Now
receive it fully. see? not so Hard =)

she has been received and will
always as long as we do all
the Beauty in front of us that busy life
tries to blind
us from. now i am Aware. clear
my mind. Calm my Heart. now Receive
and be received <3

be the one i need…the one i trust most. don’t stop inspiring me…

makes sense…

through all the years taught:

two different worlds.
but there’s something there
raised differently. seeing things in a different light.
but there’s something undeniable
something.. a chemistry so tangible that the differences disappear.

the two are unalike, but there is a chance meeting
a window of opportunity.
and it doesn’t happen right away.
takes a little more time because the dissimilarity
is too strong
but they do not know how powerful the attraction is
the force cannot be stopped easily.
and it’s not.
eventually love
overcomes all
so it makes sense for me
to feel this
so undeniably
unignorable emotion. you give me butterflies
and peace and excitement
and calm and sadness from not being close
and a smile on my face from every memory or speaking your
name and pain for every second
i don’t let you in.

4.11.09

Reflections can’t just be found in mirrors, you know. If you want to catch a glimpse of your true self today, you need to be honest and accept your imperfections. Trying to pretend you are perfect isn’t fooling anyone, and it could limit your growth. Put away your ego and you will be able to learn a valuable lesson about your insecurities. Who you are is not predetermined. You are a work in process. You can make all the changes you want to make, you just have to start.

i look but cannot see her
at least who she truly is…obscurred
by life’s lessons
trials and tribulations
and i want SO badly
while she continuously tells me to just relax
let things go and let them work out themselves
but i do not accept.
patience
is not a virtue i have  -

at a crossroads

two paths…lying right in front
both as clear as day
one comes easier, handed to me
the other, requires more work…
so which do i choose?

the easy would come to mind
no questions to ask you’d say
BUT
there is…there ARE!
1 million and 1
how am i supposed to know
which i was put here for?

and now, i’m stuck
at the fork
trying to gaze down both
altho they are clear, i cannot see far down
and have no idea which path
forecasts what future…

which will give me a fuller life?
does it really matter which i choose?
will the outcome be THAT different?
OR substantial???

love is fleeting

almost 2 years
and i can still feel
the feeling of my heart breaking…
crumbling   e v e r y   l i t t l e    p i e c e
…i couldn’t      b r e a t h e
wanting life to cease.
                     <shut my eyes>
praying for death to take me
saving me
from this unimaginable Reality -
so with my history
how can hope exist to Be…

we won’t break, we won’t die, it’s just a moment of Change

let Change happen.
because that moment will last a second and afterwards…all will be normal
and we won’t know each other.
and won’t remember anything.
because “WE” is in the past…
and can’t be in the present
and is VERY unlikely in the future…

i’m good. just like always.
and will continue on being that way…

i think we shouldn’t talk anymore though
UNLESS
it’s an emergency.
sorry
but i can’t deal with inconsistency – not good
for the mind
or soul
or positive goodness.

you obviously moved on -
i am moving forward.
all good! no animosity…
but it’s fine not to check in and it’s for the best.

so stop. just like i said before
and just like you agreed to…
don’t contact me in about oh…3 months
about ANYthing..to check in and BS like we left on good terms
because we didn’t. and i don’t care.
just STOP
because i’m done responding….FOR REAL

this time and everytime to come.

it’s just a little lullaby to keep…

sleepy lethargy takes over me
i have no energy to defend
so can only
give In
no control, so just Release
any strength that might have been
inside of me
Deep withIn
crave sleep
never to aWaken
to the fantasy ~ Just Dream
just let it happen
just let it Be
who knows? this could be Heaven
Or Maybe
the worst Decision
my galaXy
has let into fruition -
time can Only
Tell…
time to Wait and See
and Believe in Peace will come from This <3