first. primeiro. erste. primo.

                              first
time we met eyes
      followed by words said
feelings realized
        and then i couldn’t get you out of my head

primeiro
        time we came together
to meet for food. by the water
     text you sent right after
and each Tempo despois de just getting better

             ersten
Mal i fantasized
      figuring out there was more
than this comfort
        level. Chemie that cannot be denied.

                                                                     primo
hug…little awkward. Repeat::feels more like home
     date..none have been official
          un Bacio…not yet. soon mi auguro..maybe
                and then who knows from there on…

but i wonder. if i could change
the way
things have turned out…said something
different
acted instead
of emphasizing on what was said…

would i? and would that even make a difference?

25 years young <3

another year has passed
while the next has already started…
          -   so what have i learned?
i don’t know if i have…
           And where am i currently?

i am sitting in silence
letting my soul scribe pictures onto paper
words no longer serve me the way
they once did. they currently FAIL!
i am trying to feel and become aware
                             hear(t) <3
make a Life
          not a livinG…
Clear my throat
     my thoughts…..          Now Go
in peace… with it
        because of it            For Always
it is the way i will come in as how i intend to exit
            quietly….    undected

Live in the Love
          consumed by Passion…….Wishing SO HARD….      one day -
                                      in time -   soon…. maybe…possibly??
             Promise… a million times over
with each breath…..          every piece of me    - – -    drop of my soul
                      – until it is gone . . .    .    .     .      . until i am no more
i will continue to feel with         e v  e   r   y                    i  n  c  h 

a million times over
…know a little more each Visit…
until the Time <3

feeling overTake Me

 

i would be SO  great for Him!!!
i have so much Love to give.
only wish he would be open to Receiving it..

conversations come easy between the two of us
my eyes never wander
never will..my heart
will stay focused on him forever and Ever…swear!
there is no need to search for better
if he loves me back

no man exists in my world but my love
he is my center. he is here. There.
in all the spaces in between.
Devotion is my middle name
when he loves me back

he makes me smile and the only mission i have:
create an environment where he feels as happy as i am
when he is near…feel myself falling
but not as scary as first thought
because he might love me back

so i sit.
do not speak.
just wait.
in case he loves me back

it’s not what he can give
that i want but what i will give
            for him to Receive
     i want to be his shoulder to cry/lean
on.                my legs, a place for his head
    to rest
when he does not feel well
     that’s when i make a bath for him
           then bathe together in the warmth
                       our bodies
    fit like puzzle pieces
      when we fall asleep
    our breath,  once separate, now inhale as one
exhaling  together         feel the LOVE
the peace comes easy   -                 s  e    &     fa    
                                                    i                           l       
                              chests    R                                      l
     harmoniously    -      i want to do all
            this for him.   and him alone
no one else do i have this need to be there for in this way because -
how could he not love me back?

so here i wait for him (and him alone)
-  if he does not come
then i will just stay up for a little longer
     just in case he remembers 
                he loves me back <3

you will not miss me
no one ever has
it’s okay. i’ve grown accustomed to it by now

they come in
want more
i give too much
too quick
then they run and hide
sporadically coming back in. but just for short periods

i am
“the Abandoned”
people leave me easily – do not think twice -
but that does not make me sad. it can’t
or else i would die
i have to be okay with it
so i am.
smile and nod
did it to myself
came on WAY too strong

when will i ever learn?
i don’t know if i can or will.
just my curse in life
those i love will leave me eventually
as they do with everyone else – no different…
right?

gotta take the good with the bad…

love me the way you love her
is all i ask for
JUST equal, not more..
look at me the same

i know she’s always been your favorite
and that’s why i grow  jealous so quick

but just once
love me equal

please
otherwise, these
tears
will not leave me
alone.
even being close
tears me apart…
that hug…hurt my heart
because that one ounce
of care…brings me down
wanting more. knowing that day may never come
or as fast and often as i need

so please hear me:
Love Me Equally…
even if pretending.

last night

found out that desparation drained
now nothing remains
not even his Soul knows where to go
/lost/
that moment it was okay to just not
now only questions, the answers – unlikely to come
no room for resolution in these situations

Why did you do it? How can it get to that point? Why didn’t you scream out loud for help? When did this happen? How did this happen? Where do they go now that you’re gone? How could you do this? Was there no light at all…not even a distant dot, somewhere hope might be?
I hope you are well. and I wish you the Greatest Peace after this cruel world hurt you so deeply. I do not know you and cannot remember you…but you were a part of me like I am of you, as we are of all…peace, Love, HAPPYness for all eternity until we meet again

hundreds of pages for words

i think we could be great
but i don’t feel you see it.
maybe just
a little crush…
i wish
you could see this
or feel an ounce
of the intensity i feel when you’re around
the connection, undeniable -
SO why can’t you?!?!

i sense you sense it
just a little bit…
right?

he comes to view. or maybe just the opposite -
fading into the scene.
is he looking at me?
might be his back…i might be the observer in this instance.
gold is all over – the sun glows and smiles on us all.
leaves lightening – ready to fall -
and all i can see is this stranger fading away -
or maybe the haze is clearing. either way…
i enjoy this. right now!

through a looking glass…

the vibrations lead us
instincts from the gut
appear
seamlessly
unquestioned
never mentioned
why or how — listen!
to the empty space between
the tangible things
indescribable
answers incapable
to reason rationalizations
does not make sense
cannot make sense:
taste my teeth
smell my tears
hear my soul
see the control
feel everying
AND nothing
at the exact same time.
and do not question “How” or “Why” -
Just Do <3

vision as simple as life

neverending it seems
at first glance – this life
feels forever. my being
cannot be measured in time.
the tunnel just keeps going
nothing impossible, the sky
above, never slowing
continues to hide inside.
options
overabundant
overflowing
all you have to do is try
and all can be achieved
the light will guide
and it is all inside.
hallway with so many
doors to open
but which one
do i choose?
no matter what, i cannot lose.
things happen
for a reason
always – no exceptions
ever!
something to remember…

when…

i was young. my parents told me
i could be anything
i wanted to be. and
i believed them. and
i dreamed big as big as
i could.

so…
when did my dreams fall away
and reality wake me?

splashing the cold water of
real life dillemas and problems onto
those aspirations that kept me warm
my whole childhood sleep.

keep trying to press
SNOOZE
on the world’s alarm clock
but cannot turn off the time
and it keeps moving forward
and i move with it.

i try to trick it.
i keep trying to fall back asleep to re-enter where
i was in childhood.
i dream big. maybe bigger than how
i used to. because
i still hold onto my dream, onto what
i was told by my parents because they would never lie.
i can be whatever
i want to be. whenever. even if
i had a late start in starting
i can be ME and who
i was meant to be. and
I WILL <3