Love…

is a virus.
takes hold of it’s host
             uses her up
in ways she never knew. Lovesick
             She Is
diseased.
       w a lk  in  g     th e    l  in  e
     of Life
and Death.     jealousy. anxiety
always questioning.
- it is a State of Constant Angst -
so close i can   smell.       taste.
             see.     hear.
touch.                 right there!
a few     i n   c  h  e s     more.  within my
    grasp.               why can’t i?
Just this Once…                         P  l  e  a   s e.
Pl ea se.          P l e  a  s e.    Please.
i never ask for anything -
    okay…  maybe that’s a lie, but still -
To lay with him, is all I ask.
To hold his hand.
To touch his face. To kiss gently. To feel his breath all over.
To get lost when he enters

…in silent reverie..

i ran as fast as i could after class
the wind blowing my hair into a mess
  i  could no longer be apart
feel him, hear him calling my heart:
  “come out and play
no work of any kind tonight..just come rest under my shade” 
           Ran So Fast
i could barely keep balance
    it had been a WHOLE day
and i could no longer be away…

my tree lives in
          my secret garden
   unnoticed by any who try
        to find..although it does not hide
it turned dark tonight…quicker than normal
a shade of rusty crescent moon and purple
filled the horizon
as i lay under my tree’s branches..this feels a little different -
maybe it’s the sky?
      did night
suddenly turn light???
         no! wait! my tree -
  - the leaves -
                             – They Are Fire

oh! wait…look again…
      just the leaves changing
         
                    flooding
   down 
               orange. 
 yellow.
                             red.
all  
         raining
  down
                     covering entirely
         get lost in leaves
now part of me

in a few months…

dreams keep us warm
deliver us from the boredom of reality

yet they trick and we
hold on..but who can really blame?

happy thoughts make us fly
places unimaginable…
without fantasy, we are sunk down to the depths of life’s muck

left alone to come up

                alone.

is that even possible?
may never find out…

sleep comes easy
sleep comes quick
sleep invites me over to lay with him
i cannot help but follow…

need his seduction stories of fantasies fulfilled
in slumber
to finally breath
          into
      life
this
    very
         second.

starlite. starbrite.

tonite
my star said hello.
a small glow
a halo
of soft light surrounded
as it danced for me.
played with me..trying to hide
in the night sky
randomly disappearing
but just for a moment..then it reappeared
to remind me that it was still here.

my star came out tonite
i know it had to be mine
looking at the others, none popped out like this one
one of the smallest
with the glow making it’s briteness just a little less
but not in my eyes…my heart felt it. and still does

my star calls out and tells me stories
it listens
and is there for me to cry to
It gives me strength
and makes me smile
my star is amazing. and i love it.

>-   <3    =)

first. primeiro. erste. primo.

                              first
time we met eyes
      followed by words said
feelings realized
        and then i couldn’t get you out of my head

primeiro
        time we came together
to meet for food. by the water
     text you sent right after
and each Tempo despois de just getting better

             ersten
Mal i fantasized
      figuring out there was more
than this comfort
        level. Chemie that cannot be denied.

                                                                     primo
hug…little awkward. Repeat::feels more like home
     date..none have been official
          un Bacio…not yet. soon mi auguro..maybe
                and then who knows from there on…

but i wonder. if i could change
the way
things have turned out…said something
different
acted instead
of emphasizing on what was said…

would i? and would that even make a difference?

dear bob,

              maybe i do want a little more
i think i’m lying to both
of us..
i want to express this love
physically…   maybe
            like now…    possibly..
perhaps.. but not right now.. at this
exact moment
but soon…. with a little time is best
i think…
altho a lot has already elapsed… such a tricky
situation…  i’m a little confused with timing
                – (always have been)
what do you feel? or how do you feel about everything?

i want it to be an expression though
not something to take *this* away once you get bored.
not just sex
that once you get
you will go away like the rest
in the past…

no matter what happens next
what path is chosen to go down
         i know
             you will break my heart.
                 and that’s okay <3

*this* is good

out in the open.
all to know is known
at least for my part and the matters of my heart
no longer hiding..
more like smiling
because i have said my Peace <3

i have a crush
and idk if it’s serious
i just
know i love being near you
i can’t stop thinking about you
i continuously write your name in my
mind…scribing
it in pretend brings
a sort
of comfort…
i really really…enjoy =)

..do you know…

clear your head for me please…
all your thoughts and anything
else that is currently consuming
your being…

Now – close yours eyes just for a second…
please…just for this moment

                     inhale
                            e   x    h  a  l    e

okay…one more thing…can i ask…
what did you see? or who did you see?
or were there no images…just a feeling?
quite possibly maybe…were any of those a glimpse of me?

because everytime
            i
close my
eyes,             i
only see you . your beautiful face shining
the way your voice makes me smile
deafening – your warm soul entrancing me to stay just a little while
longer
i cannot let go of you…you are my center
always coming back to you…never
want to Leave…i am lost in you
Passion and Love have consumed
and i do not want to let go…cannot surrender, knew
i was going to lose
me
in this journey…
but you are worth every
bit and more of the possibility.

i love you
real and true
and hope you realize that you feel the same way too
                 soon

feeling overTake Me

 

i would be SO  great for Him!!!
i have so much Love to give.
only wish he would be open to Receiving it..

conversations come easy between the two of us
my eyes never wander
never will..my heart
will stay focused on him forever and Ever…swear!
there is no need to search for better
if he loves me back

no man exists in my world but my love
he is my center. he is here. There.
in all the spaces in between.
Devotion is my middle name
when he loves me back

he makes me smile and the only mission i have:
create an environment where he feels as happy as i am
when he is near…feel myself falling
but not as scary as first thought
because he might love me back

so i sit.
do not speak.
just wait.
in case he loves me back

it’s not what he can give
that i want but what i will give
            for him to Receive
     i want to be his shoulder to cry/lean
on.                my legs, a place for his head
    to rest
when he does not feel well
     that’s when i make a bath for him
           then bathe together in the warmth
                       our bodies
    fit like puzzle pieces
      when we fall asleep
    our breath,  once separate, now inhale as one
exhaling  together         feel the LOVE
the peace comes easy   -                 s  e    &     fa    
                                                    i                           l       
                              chests    R                                      l
     harmoniously    -      i want to do all
            this for him.   and him alone
no one else do i have this need to be there for in this way because -
how could he not love me back?

so here i wait for him (and him alone)
-  if he does not come
then i will just stay up for a little longer
     just in case he remembers 
                he loves me back <3

INSTRUCTIONS FOR FREEDOM

1. Life’s metaphors are God’s instructions.
2. You have just climbed up and above the roof. There is nothing between you and the Infinite. Now, let go.
3. The day is ending. It’s time for something that was beautiful to turn into something else that is beautiful. Now, let go.
4. Your wish for resolution was a prayer. Your being here is God’s response. Let go, and watch the stars come out – on the outside and on the inside.
5. With all your heart, ask for grace, and let go.
6. With all your heart, forgive him, FORGIVE YOURSELF, and let him go.
7. Let your intention be freedom from useless suffering. Then, let go.
8. Watch the heat of day pass into the cool night. Let go.
9. When the karma of a relationship is done, only love remains. It’s safe. Let go.
10. When the past has passed from you at last, let go. Then climb down and begin the rest of your life. With great joy.

Eat. Pray. Love. Gilbert, E.
pages 184-5