…in silent reverie..

i ran as fast as i could after class
the wind blowing my hair into a mess
  i  could no longer be apart
feel him, hear him calling my heart:
  “come out and play
no work of any kind tonight..just come rest under my shade” 
           Ran So Fast
i could barely keep balance
    it had been a WHOLE day
and i could no longer be away…

my tree lives in
          my secret garden
   unnoticed by any who try
        to find..although it does not hide
it turned dark tonight…quicker than normal
a shade of rusty crescent moon and purple
filled the horizon
as i lay under my tree’s branches..this feels a little different -
maybe it’s the sky?
      did night
suddenly turn light???
         no! wait! my tree -
  - the leaves -
                             – They Are Fire

oh! wait…look again…
      just the leaves changing
         
                    flooding
   down 
               orange. 
 yellow.
                             red.
all  
         raining
  down
                     covering entirely
         get lost in leaves
now part of me

..do it tonight…forever

i just need sleep
to bring me peace
i am unable to achieve
in a waking state. i seem
to always live in fantasy and daydream.
i envision
a million times our first kiss
and all that proceed. it
comes second nature
so uncontrollably perfect =)

quite possibly…maybe…

i continue to dream you into life.
wrong or right
possible or impossible. i do not care!
given to BREAK
i love the thought of you
your being. your soul. your aura.
you are inviting. and oh so warm =)
i love being near you. you are home. you are comfort
you come so naturally

 

but i cannot yell this
to the universe
or to you because
i am afraid.
{of losing you.of losing the butterflies.of being rejected}
so i create
stories from the inflections
in your tone. from the intent
behind the glances.

when you are far, it goes a little
different -
my soul
is in turmoil
wanting to be close
again, waiting for a response
right away – my soul hurts
until i hear back. but
in your presence i want time to stop. so it can be forever
j u s t        l  i  k  e           t      h     i    s   <2

*you’re magic* he said

i need calm right now
i need water
houseboats
flavia tea and a cookie
i need birds around
i need out of this office…NOW!
i need outside
fresh air
sun sets…
right there!
past the horizon…

when you’re near
everything stops…slows to a crawl
and i feel safe
and comfortable
and warm
and FULL
and unwanting
and perfectly blissful…

i want it back
RIGHT
NOW
please hurry…so time can cease
once again…there is PEACE <3

live on your :)

i have a crush
and have no idea where it came from
want you near
your voice: i can always hear
the glances
and nuiances
the nervousness
and attraction.

when you speak softly so close
i feel your breath send rushes into my soul.

when i close my eyes
it’s YOU that i fantasize.
next to me
talking. sitting. flirting.
the butterflies come quick.
i breathe deep. holding it in…
i crave your touch
just once – a light brush
can be so sensual
enough to make me full….

until next time <3

love is fleeting

almost 2 years
and i can still feel
the feeling of my heart breaking…
crumbling   e v e r y   l i t t l e    p i e c e
…i couldn’t      b r e a t h e
wanting life to cease.
                     <shut my eyes>
praying for death to take me
saving me
from this unimaginable Reality -
so with my history
how can hope exist to Be…

Bedtime Story

when the music stopped, so did she…or so it seemed. They see the Spirit inside rests when her soul, in music, sleeps. Yet, she dances continuously  in her heart – never stopping. once she begins, the fire never quits. No prince comes because she does not need saving. never letting him break the barrier of her bubble. in her own world, she is satisfied, and she will continue on that way. Peace Be with you…andalsowithyou…Let her just be…do not try to trick or capture – Harmony, Tranquility, LOVE…alone. in her soul, she is the only one who hears it play….

greyish to midnight blue

trapped. i want to explode.
to be free of this
this body
this world
this situation
                         set flight to somewhere far
FAR FAR away.
just breathe. relax. let it be…

i hate gravity
i hate the pull he has over me
i hate feeling crazy
over nothing
just stupidity…
on my part-
instinct or heart…
which is calling for him?
how are they different?
it’s easy being outside
not trapped in this mind
others have it easier
but that’s how we all see each other
because they are free
from this reality
out
and about…
not trapped – like me…

we won’t break, we won’t die, it’s just a moment of Change

let Change happen.
because that moment will last a second and afterwards…all will be normal
and we won’t know each other.
and won’t remember anything.
because “WE” is in the past…
and can’t be in the present
and is VERY unlikely in the future…

i’m good. just like always.
and will continue on being that way…

i think we shouldn’t talk anymore though
UNLESS
it’s an emergency.
sorry
but i can’t deal with inconsistency – not good
for the mind
or soul
or positive goodness.

you obviously moved on -
i am moving forward.
all good! no animosity…
but it’s fine not to check in and it’s for the best.

so stop. just like i said before
and just like you agreed to…
don’t contact me in about oh…3 months
about ANYthing..to check in and BS like we left on good terms
because we didn’t. and i don’t care.
just STOP
because i’m done responding….FOR REAL

this time and everytime to come.

miss you

a teeter totter. a tug
of war. pull and push
never level.
why? i miss your face
and the way i cannot
stop myself from smiling -
genuinely. from the inside.
you never answer anymore.
quit trying a month or so ago. until tonight…
i still imagine. live in my memories.
just your energy. no romantic
thoughts or feelings. like a best friend
the brother i never had – you make me
comfortable. foggy memory i wish
to replace with clear, blue
sober skies.
like the only 24 hours with
the 4 of us – High on life
for a drop of a day in our sea of inebriation.

klondike bars – in playground telephones
what would you do? harry
potter in a bucket wizard’s
cap looking up at the top
right
window. do you see?
she is there. dancing
for an invisible
man. do not
stare! espresso shots
hit the spot. and the sky is so pretty.
warm, but still
need to borrow your jacket.
mmm….smells like boy. later found out
to be the Tide and Snuggles <3
friendship in full. in an
overcast of drugs and drinking
life has kept us High
above the clouds
today.

sillyness is Sweet.
innocence. four once.
just sit. stare. and smile

no one can take that away from me and never will.