…in silent reverie..

i ran as fast as i could after class
the wind blowing my hair into a mess
  i  could no longer be apart
feel him, hear him calling my heart:
  “come out and play
no work of any kind tonight..just come rest under my shade” 
           Ran So Fast
i could barely keep balance
    it had been a WHOLE day
and i could no longer be away…

my tree lives in
          my secret garden
   unnoticed by any who try
        to find..although it does not hide
it turned dark tonight…quicker than normal
a shade of rusty crescent moon and purple
filled the horizon
as i lay under my tree’s branches..this feels a little different -
maybe it’s the sky?
      did night
suddenly turn light???
         no! wait! my tree -
  - the leaves -
                             – They Are Fire

oh! wait…look again…
      just the leaves changing
         
                    flooding
   down 
               orange. 
 yellow.
                             red.
all  
         raining
  down
                     covering entirely
         get lost in leaves
now part of me

starlite. starbrite.

tonite
my star said hello.
a small glow
a halo
of soft light surrounded
as it danced for me.
played with me..trying to hide
in the night sky
randomly disappearing
but just for a moment..then it reappeared
to remind me that it was still here.

my star came out tonite
i know it had to be mine
looking at the others, none popped out like this one
one of the smallest
with the glow making it’s briteness just a little less
but not in my eyes…my heart felt it. and still does

my star calls out and tells me stories
it listens
and is there for me to cry to
It gives me strength
and makes me smile
my star is amazing. and i love it.

>-   <3    =)

*this* is good

out in the open.
all to know is known
at least for my part and the matters of my heart
no longer hiding..
more like smiling
because i have said my Peace <3

i have a crush
and idk if it’s serious
i just
know i love being near you
i can’t stop thinking about you
i continuously write your name in my
mind…scribing
it in pretend brings
a sort
of comfort…
i really really…enjoy =)

25 years young <3

another year has passed
while the next has already started…
          -   so what have i learned?
i don’t know if i have…
           And where am i currently?

i am sitting in silence
letting my soul scribe pictures onto paper
words no longer serve me the way
they once did. they currently FAIL!
i am trying to feel and become aware
                             hear(t) <3
make a Life
          not a livinG…
Clear my throat
     my thoughts…..          Now Go
in peace… with it
        because of it            For Always
it is the way i will come in as how i intend to exit
            quietly….    undected

Live in the Love
          consumed by Passion…….Wishing SO HARD….      one day -
                                      in time -   soon…. maybe…possibly??
             Promise… a million times over
with each breath…..          every piece of me    - – -    drop of my soul
                      – until it is gone . . .    .    .     .      . until i am no more
i will continue to feel with         e v  e   r   y                    i  n  c  h 

a million times over
…know a little more each Visit…
until the Time <3

feeling overTake Me

 

i would be SO  great for Him!!!
i have so much Love to give.
only wish he would be open to Receiving it..

conversations come easy between the two of us
my eyes never wander
never will..my heart
will stay focused on him forever and Ever…swear!
there is no need to search for better
if he loves me back

no man exists in my world but my love
he is my center. he is here. There.
in all the spaces in between.
Devotion is my middle name
when he loves me back

he makes me smile and the only mission i have:
create an environment where he feels as happy as i am
when he is near…feel myself falling
but not as scary as first thought
because he might love me back

so i sit.
do not speak.
just wait.
in case he loves me back

it’s not what he can give
that i want but what i will give
            for him to Receive
     i want to be his shoulder to cry/lean
on.                my legs, a place for his head
    to rest
when he does not feel well
     that’s when i make a bath for him
           then bathe together in the warmth
                       our bodies
    fit like puzzle pieces
      when we fall asleep
    our breath,  once separate, now inhale as one
exhaling  together         feel the LOVE
the peace comes easy   -                 s  e    &     fa    
                                                    i                           l       
                              chests    R                                      l
     harmoniously    -      i want to do all
            this for him.   and him alone
no one else do i have this need to be there for in this way because -
how could he not love me back?

so here i wait for him (and him alone)
-  if he does not come
then i will just stay up for a little longer
     just in case he remembers 
                he loves me back <3

how about like this…to start

i feel full from the emptiness inside
i feel trapped outside of myself
i think too much in the nothingness running through my head

it’s when the hope rises up to the top
slowly plateaus
sinks just a tiny bit
always leaving me wanting MORE
and nothing at all…

does that make any sense?

to be trapped but free
to be SO emotional yet numb
to be lost in the vast universe focused so closely
to WANT so badly
but know that possibly..
nothing
will
come
of
this…

yet i continue to dream
and fantasize
and leave myself
and imagine
and believe it JUST MIGHT…maybe…possibly

waves of negative crashing with the positive…
warring inside. leaving me no place to seek refuge.

thoughts of you make me smile and cry
to feel SO warm yet so chilly when they escape my mind
i want to move forward
but that would be the end of my life as i know it
i would be consumed
lost, never able to see daylight again. engulfed
in the trouble of love
BUT i want to FEEL it SO much

what am i supposed to do?

tears tease running down my cheeks
such sweet release
leaving me longing
calling out for more to come now!
i need something right now! at this moment!
i need more. i need to know
i need to feel. to feel comforted in your absence

and that doesn’t even start to explain this feeling…

4.11.09

Reflections can’t just be found in mirrors, you know. If you want to catch a glimpse of your true self today, you need to be honest and accept your imperfections. Trying to pretend you are perfect isn’t fooling anyone, and it could limit your growth. Put away your ego and you will be able to learn a valuable lesson about your insecurities. Who you are is not predetermined. You are a work in process. You can make all the changes you want to make, you just have to start.

i look but cannot see her
at least who she truly is…obscurred
by life’s lessons
trials and tribulations
and i want SO badly
while she continuously tells me to just relax
let things go and let them work out themselves
but i do not accept.
patience
is not a virtue i have  -

live on your :)

i have a crush
and have no idea where it came from
want you near
your voice: i can always hear
the glances
and nuiances
the nervousness
and attraction.

when you speak softly so close
i feel your breath send rushes into my soul.

when i close my eyes
it’s YOU that i fantasize.
next to me
talking. sitting. flirting.
the butterflies come quick.
i breathe deep. holding it in…
i crave your touch
just once – a light brush
can be so sensual
enough to make me full….

until next time <3

at a crossroads

two paths…lying right in front
both as clear as day
one comes easier, handed to me
the other, requires more work…
so which do i choose?

the easy would come to mind
no questions to ask you’d say
BUT
there is…there ARE!
1 million and 1
how am i supposed to know
which i was put here for?

and now, i’m stuck
at the fork
trying to gaze down both
altho they are clear, i cannot see far down
and have no idea which path
forecasts what future…

which will give me a fuller life?
does it really matter which i choose?
will the outcome be THAT different?
OR substantial???

greyish to midnight blue

trapped. i want to explode.
to be free of this
this body
this world
this situation
                         set flight to somewhere far
FAR FAR away.
just breathe. relax. let it be…

i hate gravity
i hate the pull he has over me
i hate feeling crazy
over nothing
just stupidity…
on my part-
instinct or heart…
which is calling for him?
how are they different?
it’s easy being outside
not trapped in this mind
others have it easier
but that’s how we all see each other
because they are free
from this reality
out
and about…
not trapped – like me…