in a few months…

dreams keep us warm
deliver us from the boredom of reality

yet they trick and we
hold on..but who can really blame?

happy thoughts make us fly
places unimaginable…
without fantasy, we are sunk down to the depths of life’s muck

left alone to come up

                alone.

is that even possible?
may never find out…

sleep comes easy
sleep comes quick
sleep invites me over to lay with him
i cannot help but follow…

need his seduction stories of fantasies fulfilled
in slumber
to finally breath
          into
      life
this
    very
         second.

25 years young <3

another year has passed
while the next has already started…
          -   so what have i learned?
i don’t know if i have…
           And where am i currently?

i am sitting in silence
letting my soul scribe pictures onto paper
words no longer serve me the way
they once did. they currently FAIL!
i am trying to feel and become aware
                             hear(t) <3
make a Life
          not a livinG…
Clear my throat
     my thoughts…..          Now Go
in peace… with it
        because of it            For Always
it is the way i will come in as how i intend to exit
            quietly….    undected

Live in the Love
          consumed by Passion…….Wishing SO HARD….      one day -
                                      in time -   soon…. maybe…possibly??
             Promise… a million times over
with each breath…..          every piece of me    - – -    drop of my soul
                      – until it is gone . . .    .    .     .      . until i am no more
i will continue to feel with         e v  e   r   y                    i  n  c  h 

a million times over
…know a little more each Visit…
until the Time <3

..use somebody..someone like me!

if you fear hurting me, then you are too late.
if you think that excuses will lessen the blow, then you are incorrect.
the truth will set me free from the shackles of this love.
the chains created by my own imagination
have held me hostage for some time now
and you know! i know you know who he is!
yet you let me sit in here looking at the cave walls.
at my self created, dillusional shadow figures and their stories.
this is self inflicted, yes!
but i hold onto a hope i see
in you feel the same…possibly
and until you destroy it, i will continue
to hold on. because that is all i know how to do.
you hurt me by stringing excuses in front of me
i need
Truth. but you do not give that, so
i cannot let go.

last night

found out that desparation drained
now nothing remains
not even his Soul knows where to go
/lost/
that moment it was okay to just not
now only questions, the answers – unlikely to come
no room for resolution in these situations

Why did you do it? How can it get to that point? Why didn’t you scream out loud for help? When did this happen? How did this happen? Where do they go now that you’re gone? How could you do this? Was there no light at all…not even a distant dot, somewhere hope might be?
I hope you are well. and I wish you the Greatest Peace after this cruel world hurt you so deeply. I do not know you and cannot remember you…but you were a part of me like I am of you, as we are of all…peace, Love, HAPPYness for all eternity until we meet again

love is fleeting

almost 2 years
and i can still feel
the feeling of my heart breaking…
crumbling   e v e r y   l i t t l e    p i e c e
…i couldn’t      b r e a t h e
wanting life to cease.
                     <shut my eyes>
praying for death to take me
saving me
from this unimaginable Reality -
so with my history
how can hope exist to Be…

philosophy

why am i here?
dealing with the situations at hand
the way i do…why are the people in my life
in my life?
what purpose do they serve for me/
do i serve for them?

maybe it’s all ONE BIG
coincidence…
maybe we’re all looking for answers
to a Question
that does not Exist.

do i really want to know
or is the journey and Possibility
Enough to Satisfy?

maybe the answer is not as great
as doing the work to figure “it” out…
maybe we aren’t supposed to find The
Answer. or even ANY..
maybe there is no reason
maybe there is no Purpose
no point to All This…

and maybe, i’m done guessing
and analyzing and
repeating…

Maybe.

page 17

out of place yet at peace.
or maybe just a mirage in the back
and there is no sea you believe To Be. possibly just more of the same…
hidden
in an illusion
you Choose to see. but could never be. if that makes any sense.
although none of this does.

yet daydreaming takes any train to a day at the beach – so why not me?
all is possible.
maybe not in this realm, but someplace at sometime
nothing is impossible.
so i Choose to be here.
right now.
out of place
FULL of peace.

what to do?

you keep coming into view
as soon as i get it to stop, it continues
with your name on a piece of paper
or your voice entering my office…
am i reading into the universe too much
or could there be more
do i take it slow
or HurryFastsoasnottoloseyou?
i am so confused. sometimes the universe’s opening is only so long
and afterwards, it could be too late.
there are no “if it’s meant to be”’s
only narrow windows to jump through before they close forever…
leaving me cold and out all alone…wishing…wondering…
what could have been…

the only answer is “yes”

chaos drives me into
the unknown
alone
without you…

and i ask
am i ready for this?
the winding path
continues to an abyss
but i cannot see that far
and there is no light to guide
it is so dark
i squint – trying

to see a little more
but what for?

no one is ever prepared
for what life has or will throw your way -

the current chaos brings me a sort
of order
without it, i would be lost.
not being able to keep a schedule
is my calendar. everchanging -
unpredictable and perfect in it’s own sense
of the word. such beauty
i see in the mess it causes

vision as simple as life

neverending it seems
at first glance – this life
feels forever. my being
cannot be measured in time.
the tunnel just keeps going
nothing impossible, the sky
above, never slowing
continues to hide inside.
options
overabundant
overflowing
all you have to do is try
and all can be achieved
the light will guide
and it is all inside.
hallway with so many
doors to open
but which one
do i choose?
no matter what, i cannot lose.
things happen
for a reason
always – no exceptions
ever!
something to remember…