..on the back and forth of it all…

They tell me to grow up
that he wants a Woman 
      Not a little girl.
  Inside – it is hard to Deny.
 My spirit feels young and *light*
When it’s dark, she brings me smiles.

the World is Cold.
Humans are inHumane

she brings me Hope.
she makes me *glow*
   The Love you see. 
         tase.    smell. 
    FEEL.
Those are all Her.
Without her, I am uncaring. unfeeling. Her Youth.
  naivete. childishness.
are Me.

when i grow “old” (whatever that means) 
         she will still live inside me.
continue to             Up 
                 pick   me 
    from the Pain of the World.
and i will keep on passing along
      the compassion
and empathy and understanding 
   to everyone in my Life.

25 years young <3

another year has passed
while the next has already started…
          -   so what have i learned?
i don’t know if i have…
           And where am i currently?

i am sitting in silence
letting my soul scribe pictures onto paper
words no longer serve me the way
they once did. they currently FAIL!
i am trying to feel and become aware
                             hear(t) <3
make a Life
          not a livinG…
Clear my throat
     my thoughts…..          Now Go
in peace… with it
        because of it            For Always
it is the way i will come in as how i intend to exit
            quietly….    undected

Live in the Love
          consumed by Passion…….Wishing SO HARD….      one day -
                                      in time -   soon…. maybe…possibly??
             Promise… a million times over
with each breath…..          every piece of me    - – -    drop of my soul
                      – until it is gone . . .    .    .     .      . until i am no more
i will continue to feel with         e v  e   r   y                    i  n  c  h 

a million times over
…know a little more each Visit…
until the Time <3

INSTRUCTIONS FOR FREEDOM

1. Life’s metaphors are God’s instructions.
2. You have just climbed up and above the roof. There is nothing between you and the Infinite. Now, let go.
3. The day is ending. It’s time for something that was beautiful to turn into something else that is beautiful. Now, let go.
4. Your wish for resolution was a prayer. Your being here is God’s response. Let go, and watch the stars come out – on the outside and on the inside.
5. With all your heart, ask for grace, and let go.
6. With all your heart, forgive him, FORGIVE YOURSELF, and let him go.
7. Let your intention be freedom from useless suffering. Then, let go.
8. Watch the heat of day pass into the cool night. Let go.
9. When the karma of a relationship is done, only love remains. It’s safe. Let go.
10. When the past has passed from you at last, let go. Then climb down and begin the rest of your life. With great joy.

Eat. Pray. Love. Gilbert, E.
pages 184-5

..in need..

template
for inspirations
something to aspire
in this life
my body is a temple
 jot notes of what to remember.

never stop
never give up
when you fall, stand your ground
when you are down,
look to the sky and get lost in its Enormity
see what Surrounds
you Daily -> so amazing!
eyes shut.         Sound turned to                     Silent
just    Feel
E      v     e       r    y          P i e c e
Of Now. breathe in the  peace <3

feel as long as it’s real

this overwhelming sense of being
overcomes from deep within
yet i have you to thank
you take me to places
i have never imagined could be real
but i feel this feeling
and it’s consuming
and unbelievably Zen
just memories
are all i need
and the thought of when it will be you and me
all over again <3

you have awakend something inside
and i have finally come to Life
after the aftermath
you have shown me a path
a secret sneak peak
at where this all might lead

Bedtime Story

when the music stopped, so did she…or so it seemed. They see the Spirit inside rests when her soul, in music, sleeps. Yet, she dances continuously  in her heart – never stopping. once she begins, the fire never quits. No prince comes because she does not need saving. never letting him break the barrier of her bubble. in her own world, she is satisfied, and she will continue on that way. Peace Be with you…andalsowithyou…Let her just be…do not try to trick or capture – Harmony, Tranquility, LOVE…alone. in her soul, she is the only one who hears it play….

we won’t break, we won’t die, it’s just a moment of Change

let Change happen.
because that moment will last a second and afterwards…all will be normal
and we won’t know each other.
and won’t remember anything.
because “WE” is in the past…
and can’t be in the present
and is VERY unlikely in the future…

i’m good. just like always.
and will continue on being that way…

i think we shouldn’t talk anymore though
UNLESS
it’s an emergency.
sorry
but i can’t deal with inconsistency – not good
for the mind
or soul
or positive goodness.

you obviously moved on -
i am moving forward.
all good! no animosity…
but it’s fine not to check in and it’s for the best.

so stop. just like i said before
and just like you agreed to…
don’t contact me in about oh…3 months
about ANYthing..to check in and BS like we left on good terms
because we didn’t. and i don’t care.
just STOP
because i’m done responding….FOR REAL

this time and everytime to come.

~ without you here with me, i can’t breathe ~

next time we meet
shyness will leave me
and a conversation
might just begin.
because who knows? you could be “him”
and i could be “her” – the ones that were meant
to combine and stick
so easily
effortlessly
hope the substance
is as real as the suspicions
of shared glances
continued by smiles
with mouths and eyes -
the static electrifies
sending rushes
of this obvious crush
down my spine and back up. stop at the heart
wish it would start
Already! beginning THE happily ever after <3

through a looking glass…

the vibrations lead us
instincts from the gut
appear
seamlessly
unquestioned
never mentioned
why or how — listen!
to the empty space between
the tangible things
indescribable
answers incapable
to reason rationalizations
does not make sense
cannot make sense:
taste my teeth
smell my tears
hear my soul
see the control
feel everying
AND nothing
at the exact same time.
and do not question “How” or “Why” -
Just Do <3

the only answer is “yes”

chaos drives me into
the unknown
alone
without you…

and i ask
am i ready for this?
the winding path
continues to an abyss
but i cannot see that far
and there is no light to guide
it is so dark
i squint – trying

to see a little more
but what for?

no one is ever prepared
for what life has or will throw your way -

the current chaos brings me a sort
of order
without it, i would be lost.
not being able to keep a schedule
is my calendar. everchanging -
unpredictable and perfect in it’s own sense
of the word. such beauty
i see in the mess it causes